Decisions.
Making them is my weakness and they have always been. My anxiety makes it that much harder to decide on anything. The bigger the decision is, the more heightened my anxiety gets and the heavier it weighs on me.
Anxiety is debilitating. It's a plague that has anchored and crippled me for most of my life. I can't even decide if I should seek professional help or overcome it naturally but it will take enormous amount of effort to slowly defeat it on my own. See? Even that I can't decide.
I've realized fear is a constant that's holding me back. The root of my anxiety and depression.
Fear of rejection. Fear of regret. Fear of humiliation. Fear of being wronged. Fear of people's perception of me. Fear of not being good enough.
Most of the time it's these fears that drive me to cling onto unnecessary weights, rendering me unable to let go of these anchors and truly embrace my inner strength and potential to be who I really am. To be able to live outside of the boundaries my fears have defined for me and reach greater heights of my capabilities.
I know it will be a long and difficult road before I can completely break myself out of the prison of my own mind. But one thing's for sure, I should start by taking a step forward, face my fears and take action, no matter how small. Maybe documenting my daily achievements might help motivate me, knowing that I can slowly see the direction I am heading.
Penning this down already alleviates my anxiety slightly. I guess I should also start addressing my fears and penning them down to see more clearly that they are in fact insignificant. Rather than having them plague my mind and send it spiraling through a black hole.
Here's to committing to start making a change in myself.
Here's to overcoming my fears in baby steps.
Here's to liberation.
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